Tour de France video game: je ne sais wtf

Je ne sais wtf?

The Tour de France video game just might be the most bass-ackward example of the sedentary pursuit of video games attempting to capture one of the toughest athletic endeavors in the world.

Now, before you get your panties in a Wii-Fit bunch — well, whatever, get them in a bunch. I don’t care. Getting exercise via a video game is better than sitting sloth-like, minus your thumbs being all atwitter, while staring at the boob tube like a mouth-breathing zombie, but it’s still lame. Especially if you live in Colorado. If you live in Mississippi and don’t want to leave an air-conditioned building to exercise in bazillion-degree heat plus bazillion-degree humidity, you get a quasi-exemption if your idea of a good time is to Wii-Fit or Xbox Kinect your heart out.

But thumbs atwitter for a Tour de France game? That’s just je ne sais wtf.

Here’s a description of the game from the website: “Manage your efforts during the stages in order to stay at the top of your form, work with your teammates, keep an eye on your reputation,…”

I’ll stop there, because if you really want to keep an eye on your reputation, you won’t be playing TdF on Xbox.

There are video games for other sports. Like football, basketball, hockey, baseball and blowing up aliens and shit. I’ll excuse this for sports like football, because most people I know who are really into football haven’t played since high school, if ever, and engage in other football-inspired sedentary pastimes, like fantasy football and tailgating.

People who are into the Tour de France tend to engage in pastimes like riding a bike outdoors for reals.

So who is this video game for? Well, it’s definitely not for people who get their pro cycling jollies here.

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